Long-distance relationships pose challenges for many military couples. Being apart from your loved one can create anxiety, sadness and even trust issues. However, with shared expectations and a commitment to planning, you and your partner can keep your relationship strong despite the distance. MilitaryOne Source offers these helpful tips:
Plan Ahead
The best time to talk about how you will stay connected during your geographic separation is while you are still together. First and foremost, you’ll want to set expectations while preparing for the unknown. Figure out what works best for you as a couple—phone calls, video chats or email. A combination of several methods? How often will you call or write? Consider time zones and find a time of the day that will be most convenient for both of you.
It’s also important to remember that deployment can come with many unknowns and unexpected roadblocks. Wi-Fi may be spotty or nonexistent in the deployment area, plus mail and email services may be limited. Mission requirements may also make communication impossible for long periods. Discussing these possibilities and creating a game plan is essential.
Another great way to stay in touch is by intentionally focusing on your partner outside of phone calls. One fun way couples do this is by playing the same song, if possible, at the same point each day. While one partner drifts to sleep listening to the song, the other may start their day listening to it. You can also hide notes for each other in gear, books, clothing or places around the home for the other person to find when you’re apart.
Nurturing Your Relationship
It takes effort to maintain closeness when you are physically distant, but big and small gestures can help maintain a meaningful relationship with your loved one. Honest communication is imperative. Keep each other up-to-date on new developments in your lives. Check on each other emotionally—talk about your feelings about the deployment and your struggles at home. It’s important to keep track of what is happening in your partner’s life so you can check in after a big day or send virtual, reassuring hugs when needed.
Deal with any challenges that may arise as they happen and as constructively as possible. Address issues immediately before they become more significant problems. Know when to pull back if phone calls or video chats are burdensome or you struggle to find things to discuss. This will help keep your conversations fresh and make reconnecting feel more special.
It’s also important to talk about the seemingly mundane things, including friends you’ve made, new favorite foods you’ve found, interests you’ve developed, etc. Passing along these types of details not only makes reintegration easier but can also foster more positive energy, which has been proven to lessen anxiety for military couples. Simple gestures such as planning ahead for birthday and anniversary gifts, reading the same book, playing an online game together or listening to the same playlist can also go a long way in strengthening your relationship.
Resources for Staying Close
Numerous free resources provided through the Department of Defense can help strengthen your relationship during a deployment, including:
- Building Healthy Relationships: A consultation is done by phone or virtually to help couples cope emotionally and stay connected. The consultation offers various tracks customized to different relationship dynamics, including healthy parent-child connections.
- Non-Medical Counseling: A free and confidential service for those struggling with separations during deployment.
- Re the We: A Military OneSource digital collection of articles, tools and resources to help your relationship.
- Love Every Day: A free, text-based relationship tool for military couples.
- OurRelationship: An online evidence-based tool that allows military couples to work on their relationship individually or as a couple using a relationship coach.
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